|
| think of every emotion you could possibly feel
- fear
- anger
- sadness
- joy
- curiosity
- desire
- acceptance
- surprise
ok now think of how it is when you feel one of those extremely
- terrified
- enraged
- depressed
- complete happiness
- high expectancy
- hungry for more
- content
- anxious
now think of having all of these at the same time.
that's what i feel right now
so if you can tell me how else to describe that please indulge.
one more comment because of something that keeps getting to me...
why is being a single woman so bad?
why is it so ok for me to be doing this because i'm young?
why is the end goal always marriage and kids?
why can't i desire something else for the end of my life?
| | |
| First a few quotes from the President of the company that runs my schools. A Singaporean named CK.
"There are hardly any real Communists in China."
"Every year Shanghai build for the needs that could cover Western Europe."
"Osama Bin Laden is more God-centered than most Christians. His whole life is worship."
"Go in a Spirit of Worship."
As I sat in on sessions for two weeks and learned tons of information that will take years to process, there are a few things that stick out to me. The first and it was a point re-emphasized throughout the two weeks was the concept of "different but not wrong."
So many times we confuse the two... whether it be convictions, actions, or otherwise we see something different in someone else from ourselves and immediately call it out as being wrong...
But is it?
This is called the Negative Attribution Theory... just because it's different, doesn't make it wrong...
I know this seems like common sense, but so many times we catch ourselves automatically thinking in our heads they're wrong... I found myself doing that in one of our real life simulations - immediately I was angry at the other group for handling the situation wrong...
But they weren't wrong... they just handled it the way they thought best... it doesn't make it wrong... just different.
Another point that stuck out to me when we were talking about leaving well and grieving the friendships we were leaving... and even reconciliation, one woman shared about getting through the grief of her mother wasn't about getting "over" the death... it was about getting "through" it...
You can't just step over your past and it's gone...
No matter what you do, your past is a part of you...
Getting "over" it is not moving on... you must get "through" it... you have to get dirty... be willing to feel the pain and the heartache... to grieve the loss... only then can you move past that point of your life...
If you just get over it... you haven't worked through it and it will always be there waiting for the right moment to come back...
It's not about changing the past... it's about learning about yourself from your past and learning to love even the ugly parts of you... the times when you weren't perfect... and being ok with it.
Here are some song lyrics that don't have anything to do with what I just posted but I like them anyway...
I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I know, I feel safe
I'm gonna call this home
The open road is still miles away
Hey nothing serious
We still have our fun
Oh we had it once
Windows open and close
That's just how it goes
Don't it feel like sunshine after all
The world we love forever, gone
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are
| | |
| 20 days...
i tried not to do a countdown... but it's so hard when it's this close.
| | |
| This summer I've decided might as well have this chapter title in my book... if I were ever to write one.
This week started the first of tough goodbyes.
I flew out to Virginia on an early Wednesday morning to spend what felt like the fastest three days of my life with my good friend Allison. It was a really just encouraging visit and it was great to just be with a friend and chill which is what Allison and I seem to do best! Her parents were also really encouraging and I think you learn more about your friends when you see them in their home with their parents! And of course finally meet the pets you hear so much about... :)
I can't say I didn't cry, cause I definitely did, but I couldn't be more thankful for my friendship with Allison, as random as it seems! I'm also thankful for skybus.com and their cheap flights that made a random trip to Virginia a whole lot cheaper and less traveling time in the car.
By the way, Ocean's 13 - total disappointment!
Instead of being able to sit at home and think about how much I'll miss Allison, my journey continues.
I won't even fully unpack as tonight I head up to Beulah beach for another random night to hang out with friends. From there I will go to Cleveland to share at our old church there and have fun sharing in those old connections. And finally from there, I will head up to Michigan to see my friend Katie and spend some time with her before her work schedule seems to take over her life...
Then I will head back home probably Mondayish... hopefully get to see Danielle before I head out on Friday for PFO at Houghton College in New York - where I will be for two weeks...
From there (you saw this coming didn't you) I will head out to New Jersey to see Beth and Josh, finally head back home... spend my remaining time in the great state of Ohio with my family and seeing close friends as much as possible.
And then it's here... the ever anticipated departure date!
Emotional rollercoaster has just made it down the first hill...
| | |
| it's funny how much hasn't changed since freshman year...
here i sit... spending my time at home... up after everyone has gone to sleep...
watching a movie, eating wings, drinking dr. pepper, and writing thoughts on xanga... and holding im conversations with anyone who is still awake.
strange how that works.
i feel like i should be preparing for the beach or something temporary...
instead it's all of these final preparations...
it's all so final.
kind of intense. but at the same time... i'm so peaceful about it.
my friends are great! i love my friends! they amaze me in so many ways!
and my family has been so supportive! they have my back at every turn!
:)
in the music side of things i can't get enough of joshua radin, imogen heap, or rachael yamagata...
so here's some rachael...
I'll find a way to see you again
I used to think that anything I'd do
Wouldn't matter at all anyway
But now I find that when it comes to you
I'm the winner of cards I can't play
Wait for me
Darling, I need you desperately here
And I'll find a way to see you again
The rain is like an orchestra to me
Little gifst from above meant to say
Girl, you falling at his feet
Isn't lovely or stunning today
Lay with me
I'm alive when you're here with me, stay
And I'll find a way to see you again
Why do the street lamps die
When you're passing by
Like a hand that won't stay on my shoulder tonight?
If you held me close, would you laugh it away?
Would you dare the glance that I steal to stay?
And I"ll find a way to see you again
The rain will bring me down
I had a funny - strange funny - dream when i took a nap the other day... the old crew from freshman year... stoop, danielle, cap, erin, and i all went out for a drink and laughed about freshman year and all the drama that it was...
i wonder if someday that'll happen... we'll all get together and just laugh about all those crazy times.
am i to the point where i can laugh at that yet? some things yes i think... others its still too soon maybe... i don't know...
anyway...
| | |
|
